10 Spiritual Practices for Families (that don’t involve church)
In spiritual direction, I often hear some version of the following sentiment: “I want to do something faith-related with my kids, but I’m not sure where to start.”
Maybe church is hard for you right now for any number of reasons. Maybe you suspect that one hour on Sunday is not enough to form your kids’ faith. Or maybe, you just want some ideas for how to get started talking with your kids about their spirituality.
I got you. Here are ten practices for families that don’t involve church. CLICK HERE for a condensed printable!
Read Stories together.
Starting off with a bang, this is my hand-down favorite spiritual practice for families. Stories are mirrors that reflect our shared humanity back to us. They are windows into new worlds and experiences we might not otherwise have. People have used stories to make meaning since the beginning of time.
My oldest son learned more about the Gospel from reading the Harry Potter series than just about anywhere else! We read it together, a few pages per night at bedtime. We discussed friendship, sacrifice, power, marginalized groups (house elves, stand up!) and love.
Go to your local library. Take a deep breath and center yourself in the love of your children. Choose titles that mirror, teach, celebrate, resist, and wonder. Read them together!
Family Traditions
According to research by the Fuller Institute and Putney and Harris*, family warmth is one of the most important factors in sharing faith with children. Strong parental bonds and warm, close family relationships are more important than the exact content you teach and how often. In other words, faith is “caught” more than taught.
Consider starting a new family ritual or tradition. It doesn’t have to be big! Think Friday pizza night, a phrase you always say when they leave the house, (I say, me and God love you, have a great day!) a bedtime routine, or a special handshake. They key is consistency.
Time in Nature
Many of us feel the most grounded and at peace when we’re in nature. Kids often especially thrive outdoors. My two favorite hacks for this are these:
Take a “noticing” walk. Come up with something specific (like the color red, a spiral shape, or something that reminds you of Grandma) and have everyone find one .It grounds you in the present moment, forces you to slow down, and helps you savor nature. I have a friend who practices “contemplative gathering.” Her window sills at home are covered in found-objects. Taking photographs works just as well!
Think big, open, empty spaces over designated playgrounds. In my experience, kids of all ages are more free, creative, and present when we go to a stream, a wide open patch of grass, or somewhere in the woods than when we go on a sidewalk, playground, or sandbox, You might hear, “I’m bored!” at first but I’ve found that creativity and energy seem to eventually win out. Obviously, all nature counts! But wide open spaces are *chef’s kiss.*
Rest
Did you know that in the very beginning of the Biblical story, God’s people were commanded to rest not just once, but twice? It wasn’t a suggestion. It was an order.
It’s almost like God seemed to know that if we didn’t fiercely protect our rest, if we didn’t schedule it, drop everything for it, and do it as a practice (even when it makes us restless and uncomfortable), we would burn ourselves, our economies, and our planet out?
I could make an entire course on rest (or point you to some fabulous resources!) It is one of the most-mentioned topics in spiritual direction. I’ll ask, “how are you resting?” and i often hear, “I’m not!”
Try your hardest to schedule an intentional, weekly period of rest. Start with one afternoon. Put away your phone. No chores. No work. Take a nap. Play. Do something creative. No shopping, meal planning, or scheduling! The key here is a weekly rhythm, so that when you start to experience the strain of overwork throughout teh week, you have a scheduled Sabbath to look forward to.
Serve Together
There are 1,000 ways to do this, so I won’t get specific. What does “loving your neighbor” look like to your family? Do you have a million toys you don’t need? Could you take someone a meal? Pick up some trash at a park? Call a representative and advocate for legislation that helps a neighbor? Donate dollars to a cause you care about? Buy extra groceries for a food pantry? The list is endless.
Say no.
Resist the culture of more.
Did you know that in all three synoptic Gospels, Jesus tells his disciples to take nothing for their journey as they set off to preach and heal? Literally nothing. No food, no extra clothes. Nada.
I wonder how many of us would break out in hives at the thought of traveling with nothing. Usually, I spend at least $100 on Amazon in the two weeks leading up to a trip on outfits or things to make my experience more convenient. Rarely do I end up using them more than once.
It’s not just travel. We also over-schedule our time and overshoot our expectations.
What if you communicated with your kids that you were saying “No” to extras for one month, or one day per week? Is there a thing you don’t have to attend? Is there an obligation you don’t enjoy? Are you worried your kid will be behind if they don’t start that sport/get that phone/read by 5/apply to that thing? Press pause, and sit in the gap. Recognize that itchy feeling you get when you’re nervous about not having something new to wear to that thing. Lean into boredom. Practice a few teeny tiny deaths as you let go of attachments to stuff and obligations.
Delight.
Kids are so good at this one that they will be your best teachers if you let them.
I stole this idea from Catherine Price (@catherinepriceofficial on instagram, author of “The Power of Fun.” Highly recommend giving her a follow and her books a try!)
Begin a silly practice of delighting in basic, every day, ordinary things. Price suggests that when you encounter something that brings you joy, you raise a finger and exclaim, “delight!”
For example, did you put fresh sheets on your bed? Delight! Open a strawberry container to find that they’re perfectly ripe? Delight! Have a parking spot open right in front of the door as you’re flying in on two wheels for baseball practice? Delight!
If your family is like mine, that kind of thing is just ridiculous enough to stick. And it’s not just silly. Some monks have a practice of examining their days at regular intervals for evidence of God. And we know gratitude to be one of the most powerful things we can cultivate in our lives. Practice noticing and appreciating your tiny, daily delights.
Play
Building on #7, play is a powerful spiritual exercise that we often overlook. I have heard it (and said it!) many times - “I don’t like to play with my kids!”
I believe there to be many, many reasons for disliking play. If you are the one primarily responsible for keeping your family going day in and day out, play can feel like a waste of time you just don’t have. Maybe our phones and constant scrolling have left us in an instant-gratification dopamine dump that makes us feel itchy and bored when we have to unplug. Perhaps we weren’t played with much as a child and we’ve forgotten how. Or maybe our nervous systems just can’t relax.
Henri Nouwen famously said that, “prayer is wasting time with God.” Have you ever been so caught up in a creative project, a sports game, or laughing with someone that you enter a flow state and completely lose track of time? That attention to the present moment is a prayer.
Not to mention, play can incorporate several other suggestions on this list! Delight, rest, and time in nature can all be a part of your play. That’s like, 4 birds with one stone
Make a prayer basket
This is so easy, I wish I had started it way sooner. And if you weirdly love office supplies like I do, it’s an excuse to buy sticky notes, so win-win.
Have your kids write something they’re thinking about or want to pray for over breakfast. Keep it simple - “I want to make a new friend at recess today,” or “God bless grandma.” When we can’t think of anything, we often write, “help me see God today.” Toss them into a centrally located basket. At night, everyone pulls out a note to pray over at bedtime.
Here’s the key - leave the sticky notes and the pencil beside the basket. You might find bonus prayers tossed in throughout the day - especially if you model that. Your kids will feel loved to pull out something you prayed for them while they were at school, and the practice forms both of you.
Wow, pow, holy cow!
Need a fun version of “highs and lows” to get your family talking around the dinner table? (or a bedtime, or in the car, or wherever conversations take place?) Try this format I borrowed from the “Sticky Faith Guide to your Family” by Dr. Kara Powell.
Wow - the best part of your day.
Pow - the worst part of your day
Holy Cow - where did you see God today?This is another way to create a family ritual (remember, family warmth is huge!) and practice noticing and delighting in your day. I always try to model making God bigger, wider, and more inclusive for my kids, so I’ll change up the “places” I saw God - in nature, in an act of service, in care, in diversity, in love, and in the still small voice, to name a few.
That’s it, friends! Follow me on TikTok for more spiritual practice ideas. If you’d like a shortened, printable version of this list, click here!